It concerns me to think that I may have to accept that I will never be the same again: bT vs aT (before and after Trudy). It conflicts with what I thought I was accepting – that if, and since, I am still here God must have a plan for me. Couple this with retirement, and getting it stuck in my head that I only have 10-15 years left – well, I’m closing down before the bell has rung. And that doesn’t seem right. Taking up space, and air, and resources – this place on earth without contribution? So maybe it’s as simple as purpose. Whatever it is, my heart’s not in it. And that doesn’t seem right either.
I miss my family. Maybe it’s that simple even as it remains that un-solvable. Please Lord, make me a channel of your love and caring and peace on earth today, and please help me to look for You today and feel You in my life today in ways that lift me to Your purpose. Help me be present to Your now and Your purpose for me.