It was All Saints Day 2012 when I first saw this sapling, took her photo, and discovered the purple light while reviewing my pictures at the end of the day. She became what I designated as Trudy’s Tree – my memorial to my sweet sister who had died that January. Each year adding another rock, a small cross created from sloughed-off tree bark, and eventually more rocks contributed by friends also visiting the monastery river walk.
Continue reading Heart for All
I am finding my pace here.
Morning walks with a glad heart,
no shoulds of shaping a different me
Cool, dry air inviting,
no heavy, moisture-laden blankets weighing me down
Nature every which way I look - geese, egrets, magpies, frantic swarms of gnats dancing in the hottest hours of the day,
and two of the littlest fawns I have ever seen;
even a small birdie flies into our house. I rescue her with my hat,
and return her to her home of everywhere - no walls or restrictions of a 180 degree life.
And God.
Yes, God.
Always God.
Walking with me.
Watching with me.
Pointing out to me the more subtle spider-web-weave on junipers, then,
reminding me that to think,
with broken heart,
of the unthinkable losses so many are facing this morning,
is prayer.
Is Love.
It is all just so heartbreaking. I wish there was more to do. I pray for a blanket of Love to comfort all who are suffering.
What started as gray depression
Gradient in its width and depth
Showed to be a condition, hovering,
Amongst us.
Hope on a far away hillside
Hot in its height and breadth
Fueled by a common love, shining,
From us.
Make of it what you will
Promise or memory of what once was.
“Dig deep,” I heard, “to the Founding,
of all of us.”
Twelve years ago at this time, I was at my sweet sister’s bedside as she lived her way to heaven.
Each year at this time, I am flooded with such an array of feelings and memories. They are gifts and, still, Trudy is teaching me. The first and greatest from that tender time of Rosetears was: Love is eternal. Time has added that Love may possibly be made even stronger by time and absence of physical evidence.
Today’s sweet cardinal appearing just outside my window represents a new freedom, if not command, that I have been given: live the life you have. In some ways, I feel I have finally caught up with my past in a way that I can more fully live my present. I think this is grace.
But, most of all, it’s still and always about Love. And there is always enough to go around.
I wish you well, with love.
Every once in a while there’s a gap.
A craving I cannot name.
An itch I cannot scratch.
I sit,
scrolling on my phone,
searching for books or a new tv series to begin, but, eventually,
and inevitably,
I slip back into a motionless stare that I don’t even recognize until
the stove timer dings, and,
there it is again.
The gap.
The gap between us.
The impermanent curtain hanging between flesh and spirit,
between here and There.
It’ll pass. It always does.
Note: This came out of a moment, or hour?, of staring into the infinite horizon of sky and earth. Initially, I thought I was missing my sister. Of calling her. With no particular need. Just a chat. But, as words came to page, I sensed it is also appropriate for this time of waiting in the season of Lent. Shared with love, and hope too.
I’ve worn these boots to walk the Pecos path for over ten years. Today I thanked and retired them.
It’s fitting that they fell apart on this trip as I also let go of Trudy’s tree – a tree I deemed and decorated as Trudy’s tree on my first visit to Our Lady of Guadalupe Monastery, All Saints Day, October 2012. Imagine my shock when I discovered that someone had cut it down!