The Torque and Tensile of Tinnitus

The Scream by Edvard Munch, 1893In the personal sense: torque is the pull of doing what is wrong against the right that I know.  Tensile is the test of how long I can continue thinking and behaving, in opposite directions than loving ways, without completely breaking, and falling apart.

Two very human conditions we live within; both displaying the existence of good and the good sense in each of us.

Today I am noticing the tensile in my life. I’m being asked by all that is good and logical to stop staring, or in my case listening to the newly acknowledged conditions of tinnitus. Like running my tongue against a jagged tooth, pulling against an already-strained muscle, or pressing a bruise, I find myself compulsively examining this persistent scream in my head.

How loud is it now? Is it louder than yesterday? Or last week? How loud will it get before I’m pulled into breaking? What is my tensile strength before going mad?

Writing about this helps. Reading God’s Word and promises also helps tap down the finger-nail screeching that no one else hears. Sitting beside, and being held by my husband who has been dealt the same, is an unselfish gift to me, and it helps too.

Today these are my attempts to temper the tensile of tinnitus. Tomorrow I hope I can listen again for the service to others – the ultimate sense and self-buster that I know does not fail.

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