I’m not settled. I could maybe relax if I knew I didn’t have to go somewhere and do what people would do when here – hike, explore, be active in nature. But I just sit.
This porch is nice but I’m finding it difficult to not think about what it would take to own a place like this, or when we leave finding the next B&B to go to and avoid going home. This constant and mostly unconscious need to mentally leave the present for more of what was abandoned in the now is too familiar – like pressing my tongue again and again against the rough edges of a tooth. I can’t seem to stop the circular thinking long enough to lay down pencil and paper for the view, or ignore the droning noise of cars and trucks racing along the nearby blacktop road. I’m flabbergasted at how these sounds echo through the hills and mimic the toll way volumes of Houston. Continue reading Day 1 in Paradise : Like a Bat in the Dark
It’s difficult to remember Trudy today with the lightness of the Spring in which she arrived. It has not been long enough for me to forget the physical torture and emotional languish of her battles with cancer and heart breaks. I also can not dismiss the roles I played in the later – I was a joy and a thorn at times in the life of my sister.
I hope to find and wear today a pin that I gave Trudy one birthday; it’s in the shape of the Earth and has the word F-R-A-G-I-L-E embedded into its metal. Continue reading Trudy’s Birthday – also Earth Day
I didn’t feel like writing this morning. I have time so I will.
Seconds before pen hit page… well no, that’s not right. While writing the first sentence… no, that’s not right either. In writing the date at the top of my page, November 3, 2012, I felt the remembrance: not long before Trudy dies, or rather, I sense in this time the echo of her passing. A cavernous queasiness takes hold of my mind and my heart and my soul.
If I must remember an anniversary this morning I prefer to think of the spring tulips planted for Trudy by Grandpa Wyatt at the little house; beneath the small crabapple tree in the center of the drive, just east of the sidewalk that lead to the front door. Continue reading Come Before Winter